You're my little dorito
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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