I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
