fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
