one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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