I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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