apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
