vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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