I don't think brook has ever known best
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
