Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
