if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
