I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
