I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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