you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
