I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
