he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
