Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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