Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
