The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
someone get that fucking seahorse.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
