college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
