If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
