I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
