Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
