right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
