The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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