On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
