You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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