I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
