I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize