i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
