Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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