Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
