Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
