Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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