just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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