Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
