Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
