i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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