dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
