you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
