Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
