I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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