a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
