cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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