he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize