Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
