where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
