Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
