is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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