I haven't been this sober since birth.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
