I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
