you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
