You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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