I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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