i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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