i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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