my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
