i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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