I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
