Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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