My room smells like vodka and shame
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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