Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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