so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
