yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
