Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
