I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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