Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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