Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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