Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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