im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
