Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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