I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
