no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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