I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
