he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
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I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
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Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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