My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize