Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
