i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
