Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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